Building Safety
One of the main goals in any mediation session is to build a sense of safety in the room. That is to say, the mediator works to create a space in which both parties feel as if they have been heard and understood, that they are safe to share their needs, goals, and ideas without fear of criticism, and that they are allowed the space to experience difficult emotions while staying focused on the important work at hand.
Mediation is not couples’ therapy, but “safety” is an important concept in therapy as well as in mediation. Couples’ therapists build trust and rapport with their clients, modeling a safe relationship in which each party can be heard and emotions expressed in a manner that builds emotional intimacy and mutually supportive relationships. In a mediation session, a sense of safety allows each party to calmly consider the business aspects of the end of their relationship or the start of their co-parenting relationship - a task which must be completed and is best done with both parties in the room.
How We Create Safety in Mediation
Neutrality. Essential to a mediator’s role is neutrality. We take careful steps to ensure that our services are provided neutrally. We do this by including both parties in all communications, spending equal time with each party during mediation, maintaining a detached attitude toward either party, and referring our clients to independent counsel as needed - ensuring both parties are referred if either is referred.
Confidentiality. Mediation is strictly confidential, meaning what happens in the room stays in the room. We will not share your information with anyone, and take careful steps to ensure our files are kept secure.
Non-binding. Until you sign a formal contract, none of the agreements you reach in mediation are binding. If you agree to something during a session and later regret it, you cannot be held to the agreement - unless you’ve already signed a contract. Upon signing, the contract becomes enforceable.
Self-direction. Your mediator does not make decisions for you. Only the parties get to decide if an agreement is right for them. You can stop mediation at any time if it is not working for you. Want to make rules for how the session goes? We can do that. Want to take a break and consult independent counsel? We’re happy to help you find someone to talk to. When you mediate, you’re in control.
Mediation offers an opportunity for couples to come together with a neutral third-party whose role is to ensure the conversation remains productive and does not fall into old patterns of blame, avoidance, attack, or withdrawal. By gently enforcing the guidelines described herein, the mediator attempts to focus the parties on the necessary work of finding compromises that work for your family.
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